What Did T. Read in 2022?

 




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Sneha - Mother Love

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  One of my favorite stories from the OT is what happens after Elijah defeats the prophets of Baal at Mt. Carmel. Following his massive and unqualified victory, Elijah is so full of endorphins that he runs 15 miles back to Jezreel, where all his endorphins promptly leave him and he asks God to kill him. (And God is like, "No. Here, eat a sandwich, your blood sugar is low.") I mean,  what?  If this is not a clear case of what we would today define as bi-polar mania and depression, I don't know what is. At the very least, it's mood dysregulation. I feel like that prophet right now. After 15 years of trying to find a high school English position, I quit my job in a massive blaze of glory and took a leap of faith on a one-year-only position that -- I suspect -- I was probably the only person to apply for. This fall I will teach people older than 14 for the first time since the student-teaching days of my 20's. And now I want to die. Yesterday, I taught the first yoga ...
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Samskara II

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School starts on Monday. I didn't make any super-tight friends in my 9 months at the high school, but there have been a couple of good people who texted me, checking to see how I'm doing as I head into my 16th year of middle school. One promised she was moving to Florida at the end of this academic year, so I could have her position when she vacates. In response, I sent her this meme: You could not pay me enough money to move to Florida. I mean it. If someone offered me six figures and the chance to teach at an inner-city school, I still wouldn't do it. So, here I sit, ready to start teaching 7th and 8th grade in the Midwest again. At least the other teachers seem nice. I take back everything I said about the department head's beard; he is a lovely human being. As is usual with me, everyone I immediately dislike, I end up adoring, and everyone I have an instant affinity for, I end up loathing. It really doesn't do a lot toward encouraging me to trust my instincts. A...
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Tāpas - Heat

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TAPAS The Heat The third  niyama  of yogic philosophy is  tāpas , or self-discipline. I don't think it really means self-discipline as we know it. It means something more like friction, aggravation, unease, and the heat of discomfort. It is what we feel when Life rubs up against us in ways that are unwanted. The concept asks us, "Can I persist through the pain of this terrible thing that is happening?" Or perhaps more accurately, it is the practice of preparing for those times. Of all the  yamas  and  niyamas  in yoga's ethical code,  tapas  is probably the one that I intuitively understand best. It is also the one I like least. They say that the pose you like the least is the one you need the most (Dolphin -  barf ). It is the one that creates the most friction and chafing in your mind and will and discomfort in your body and breath. Your very desire to avoid this pose is the reason you should do it: it is necessary and important work t...
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Yātrika (यात्रिक) - Pilgrim

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When I was in college, I took a course on Chaucer. The Canterbury Tales is a frame tale: Chaucer paints a picture of 29 pilgrims on the road to Canterbury to make atonement for their sins. On the way, each takes a turn entertaining the others with stories to pass the time. The tales told by each character are set ( framed ) within the context of the greater pilgrimage, with every story inadvertently revealing something about the person telling it. The Pardoner, for example, while a churchman, is a terrible human being. Five hundred years before Harry Potter, the Pardoner tells the story of 3 brothers swindling Death. While his tale loftily preaches against the evils of greed, he reveals to his traveling companions his favorite ways of cheating people. He confesses that he skillfully manipulates his religion to benefit himself. My class read the book in its original Middle English, and Dr. D made us memorize the General Prologue as Chaucer first wrote it. I can still recite most of it:...
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Advaita - Non-duality

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  I am teaching a weekly yoga class this month. The problem with this is that I have ZERO spacial awareness and am full of an impending sense of doom. In addition to the millions of hours I spend on lesson plans, I am now also spending evening hours writing sequences and studying yoga manuals.  Jade thinks this is a wonderful opportunity during which I will grow as a human being. That is why I am doing it. I want to grow as a human being. I've never been comfortable being bad at things.  Therapy Elsa insists I stop saying "bad" and instead say "imperfect." More than any other thing she has repeated over the last 4 years is the sentence, "I don't think it's as black and white as all that." She (and Jade) says that I am a perfectionist and that my idea of "bad" is anything at which I do not excel. The black-and-whiteness in me says that if I am not excellent at it, I am bad at it. No one likes to be imperfect at things, but I feel like ...
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Poetry. Feminism. Dharma.

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This morning I woke up at 4 am, unable to return to sleep on the first day of school. Too many nerves. So instead, I thought about dharma,  or our calling and purpose in life. Most teachers are women, I suppose because we're seen as more nurturing. I think you can be nurturing and still be a feminist. So here are my thoughts, courtesy of insomnia... Ask me what I mean when I tell you I'm a feminist. "Bra-burning excuse-making man-hating harpy!" That's too easy. That's a trope. I mean I broke free from the ideas forced in youth: That a woman's purpose is to love and support a man. Cannot bear his own children (so you must) Cannot be his own "helpmate" (so you must) God created man to rule and to provide. A woman's place is by his side -- Complementing. Complimenting. Only -- Years passed. No one's life was less without me in it. I had failed my Woman's role. But was it me? Or could it be the job itself? I did not ask for consignment to...
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Dhyāna - Meditation

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  The 7th limb of yoga is Dhyāna. It's basically meditation, to hold oneself present in a given moment. That's the goal anyway. Here's how the meditation aspect of yoga currently works for me: Start time: 8:00 pm 8:00  I shouldn't have eaten all those fruit snacks, I can feel them in my teeth. I wonder if I'm getting cavities. FOCUS! THINK OF THOUGHTS LIKE A LEAF FLOATING BY IN A RIVER! I think autumn is on the way, I've definitely seen several leaves falling already. I wonder if it was stupid to put mulch down on my plants because now it's just all going to get covered with leaves. 8:01  At least mulch isn't expensive. I cannot believe the yard waste people won't collect mulch, though. It's got to be the most biodegradable thing in the world. FOCUS!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THINK OF THOUGHTS LIKE CLOUDS AND WATCH THEM PASS BY! 8:02  I am clearing my mind. I am sitting in a state of being. I wonder when my ankle will feel better enough to go back t...
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