What Did T. Read in 2022?

 




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Yātrika (यात्रिक) - Pilgrim

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When I was in college, I took a course on Chaucer. The Canterbury Tales is a frame tale: Chaucer paints a picture of 29 pilgrims on the road to Canterbury to make atonement for their sins. On the way, each takes a turn entertaining the others with stories to pass the time. The tales told by each character are set ( framed ) within the context of the greater pilgrimage, with every story inadvertently revealing something about the person telling it. The Pardoner, for example, while a churchman, is a terrible human being. Five hundred years before Harry Potter, the Pardoner tells the story of 3 brothers swindling Death. While his tale loftily preaches against the evils of greed, he reveals to his traveling companions his favorite ways of cheating people. Like I said, terrible human. The Miller gets credit for the most X-rated tale, but he's also a drunkard and looking for shock value, which he gets. And the Parson just gives a sermon that bores everyone to tears. My class read the bo...
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Advaita - Non-duality

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  I am teaching a weekly yoga class this month. The problem with this is that I have ZERO spacial awareness and am full of an impending sense of doom. In addition to the millions of hours I spend on lesson plans, I am now also spending evening hours writing sequences and studying yoga manuals.  Jade thinks this is a wonderful opportunity during which I will grow as a human being. That is why I am doing it. I want to grow as a human being. I've never been comfortable being bad at things.  Therapy Elsa insists I stop saying "bad" and instead say "imperfect." More than any other thing she has repeated over the last 4 years is the sentence, "I don't think it's as black and white as all that." She (and Jade) says that I am a perfectionist and that my idea of "bad" is anything at which I do not excel. The black-and-whiteness in me says that if I am not excellent at it, I am bad at it. No one likes to be imperfect at things, but I feel like ...
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Tāpas - Heat

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TAPAS The Heat The third  niyama  of yogic philosophy is  tāpas , or self-discipline. I don't think it really means self-discipline as we know it. It means something more like friction, aggravation, unease, and the heat of discomfort. It is what we feel when Life rubs up against us in ways that are unwanted. The concept asks us, "Can I persist through the pain of this terrible thing that is happening?" Or perhaps more accurately, it is the practice of preparing for those times. Of all the  yamas  and  niyamas  in yoga's ethical code,  tapas  is probably the one that I intuitively understand best. It is also the one I like least. They say that the pose you like the least is the one you need the most (Dolphin -  barf ). It is the one that creates the most friction and chafing in your mind and will and discomfort in your body and breath. Your very desire to avoid this pose is the reason you should do it: it is necessary and important work t...
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Sakhi - Soul Friend

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  I went to Dogtown with my friends yesterday because I was afraid to cancel the personal day I had requested a week ago. It seemed unkind to the substitute teacher who may have been counting on that paycheck. It wasn't her fault I had crashed since then and did not feel like celebrating anything. Also, I could not be alone.  I am not a big drinker on the best of days and usually end up throwing unreciprocated shade that no one else appreciates. Me: Why did you just tell our Uber driver that you loved her? You do not love her. Natalie: I do love her. She drives a Tesla. Me: That does not mean you love her. Cara: WE RODE IN A TESLA, BITCHES!!! Me: You're pretty far gone, aren't you? Use "iterations" in a sentence. Cara: The other day, there were so many iterations in my sentence. Me: That is a terrible sentence. You are an English teacher. Most of the time, I wish I could have a video camera so I could record everything and memorize the best lines to recount to the...
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Ahimsa - Non-violence

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  The Yoga Diaries - A journey during which I transform from a caterpillar into a slightly-less-neurotic caterpillar This weekend, I participated in the first dozen or so hours of yoga teacher training (YTT) along with 11 other beautiful souls. This left me feeling the muscle pain of a 90-year-old woman. I would take an Epsom salt bath except that my bathtub is broken. On this first weekend, the instructors -- whom we will lovingly refer to as Jade and Yoga Elsa (not to be confused with Therapy Elsa or Store Elsa) -- assigned us reading on  ahimsa . This is the yogic concept of non-violence. I think this concept stuck with me the most because I am right now feeling extremely violent. After learning distressing news from my family, my face immediately "exploded" again, so it turns out I am not cured of angioedema after all. On the way to my doctor - the one who pumps me full of steroids whenever I get so stressed that my face explodes -- a rock flew through the sunroof of my c...
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Satyā - Truthfulness

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  For the last 15 years, I've been trying to teach high school English. For the last 15 years, I've failed and remained in 8th grade. I've been passed over for 7 positions in my own district alone. I've been teaching a scripted curriculum that requires zero thought or skill from the teacher. I'm bored to tears, and I've been repeatedly snubbed by the head of my department, in a way that is both humiliating and deeply troubling. This year, I decided,  no more . I changed my passwords to "ThisIsMyLastYear!" Beginning in September, I created charts of any district in the area where I could reasonably go without taking an even bigger pay cut than I did last time around. Then I circled the only one that was feasible to me: Pattonville. It's the #1 most diverse district in Missouri. It's 13 minutes from my house. They posted 3 high school openings this spring. I know two of the principals in the district (although not at the school).  And -- importan...
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Poetry. Feminism. Dharma.

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This morning I woke up at 4 am, unable to return to sleep on the first day of school. Too many nerves. So instead, I thought about dharma,  or our calling and purpose in life. Most teachers are women, I suppose because we're seen as more nurturing. I think you can be nurturing and still be a feminist. So here are my thoughts, courtesy of insomnia... Ask me what I mean when I tell you I'm a feminist. "Bra-burning excuse-making man-hating harpy!" That's too easy. That's a trope. I mean I broke free from the ideas forced in youth: That a woman's purpose is to love and support a man. Cannot bear his own children (so you must) Cannot be his own "helpmate" (so you must) God created man to rule and to provide. A woman's place is by his side -- Complementing. Complimenting. Only -- Years passed. No one's life was less without me in it. I had failed my Woman's role. But was it me? Or could it be the job itself? I did not ask for consignment to...
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