Posts

Sankalpa - Intention

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I can measure the eras of my life by the book genres I've loved: In my 20's, romance -- girl meets boy; they fall in love; happily ever after. In my 30's, suspense -- the husband is actually a serial killer & has been gaslighting her for the last decade!!!!!! In my 40's, psychology -- how to be so healthy a serial killer would never be interested in you. My latest read is You Are The Mountain : It was the only audiobook available at the library that I had not already read.  My initial idea was to yoga nidra  myself: I determined to listen to it as I fell asleep each night, & then re-listen to it in the morning to cement in all the knowledge I inevitably acquired whilst sleeping. I warned friends & family that I was about to become extremely wise and self-actualized overnight. They took it in stride. However, I found that come morning, I was too distracted by the New York Times crossword puzzle & my Duolingo streak to want to start up an audiobook about u

Sarvangasana - Shoulder Stand

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Recently, I returned from Indonesia, where I spent 2 weeks traveling solo and another 3 weeks studying yoga. It was incredibly challenging. * Indonesia is a third-world country. A 3-star hotel in Indonesia included stained sheets, roaches, and other people's hair on the bed. Even a top-rated homestay contained so much mold that if you suffer from asthma -- which apparently I now do -- breathing is labored and scary. Imagine not sleeping well for 5 weeks.  * There are strays everywhere because Balinese Hinduism is so connected to the earth, animals, and plants. None of the animals are spayed or neutered. I love animals, and it was difficult seeing so many starving, maimed ones. One of the women in my hostel heard a pack of wild dogs eating a weaker dog in the middle of the night. I got compassion fatigue and was just sad all the time . Also, 6 dogs chased me down a hill one morning. * There are no sidewalks, no trashcans, and few discernible road rules. This means that Bali is not w

Saurya - Courage

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I haven't been sleeping well lately. I've been so anxiety-ridden that I literally made a Google Doc to keep track of all of the things I am anxious about. This includes everything from remembering to get medicine for my altitude sickness, to needing to return luggage before its expiration date, to buying enough cat food, disposable litter boxes, and litter for Poppy while I'm gone. It's possible that my brain is seizing upon these fears because it cannot, it cannot  seize upon the bigger fears, like, "What if I get lost somewhere in Indonesia and literally cannot communicate with anyone?" I had my whole trip planned and then my friend Tiago blew it all to hell when he said, "If Tumpak Sewu has been on your bucket list for years, you can't get THAT CLOSE to it and not find a way to see it." It felt like Venice all over again, like something I would regret forever if I didn't at least try. So I threw my ENTIRE plan -- my pretty calendars and li

Tulā - Balance

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One thing I really resent about yoga is that it highlights all the ways I lack balance. There are the really obvious ways, like the fact that I can't stand on one foot without falling over (looking at you, Natarajasana). There are the subtler ways, like how the left side of my body flexes so much more deeply than the right, making all correctly-aligned poses feel completely lopsided. And there are the stupid ways, such as my inability to do anything in moderation. This last one is what I'm most concerned with right now. I decided a year or two ago that if I were to ever pursue advanced yoga training, it would be a "go big or go home" situation. Mostly I decided this because it had not occured to me when I was 18 that I could apply to Oxford for university and go big or go home that way. It would have been a magnificent opportunity, and yet I could not think bigger than Chicago, USA.  I would not make the same mistake twice! So if I were going to enroll in a 300-hr pro

Anyāya - Injustice

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The world has been unbelievably cruel lately. Nothing makes sense. Birdie and all her children were killed earlier this week. That was horrific enough. She was such an amazing, incredible person.  And now investigators have determined that my friend killed herself  and her 4 children in a murder-suicide... and that's why none of them got out of that house fire. Birdie was a good person. Now the story will be that she murdered her children. That's not it. She was completely trapped by a system she couldn't escape and men who were determined to destroy her. What do you do with this much evil and horror? How do you bear up under it? I don't know. I'm not strong enough. I was thinking recently about how much I hate vulnerability. It hurts when you take a new job and fail at it, or speak honestly and lose someone's friendship, or open your heart a bit and get rejected. Those things are painful, particularly when they happen all at once. But what do you do in a world

Vaṃśam - Lineage

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In 2019, Netflix released a  documentary on Bikram Choudhury , founder and guru of Bikram Yoga (in the wake of the scandal, this style is now known primarily as 26-2 or simply "hot yoga.") Beginning in 2013, former students of Bikram -- all women -- began coming forward to file lawsuits against him for everything from sexual assault to rape. Ultimately, the only case to go to trial was the one by his former legal adviser. When she insisted on investigating the rape and assault allegations, he forced her to resign.  Despite being ordered to pay $7.4 million in damages (reports vary), Bikram declared bankruptcy, fled the country, and still continues to teach his enormously popular style of yoga to those students who are willing to pay $10,000 each.  Bikram was famous for wearing only his Speedo  and a Rolex during classes. For many women, the most astounding piece of the Bikram scandal was the complicity of his ex-wife, Rajashree. Although she refused to publicly comment, Rajas

Abhyasa - Practice

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                              Last summer on my travels, the best location I visited was Lake Bled in the Julien Alps of Slovenia. What a wild place! Slovenia hadn't even been on my radar, but then I stumbled upon an opportunity to visit what appeared to be the most beautiful place on earth and I was all, yes, sign me up! And, I kid you not, it was absolutely as intense and beautiful and surreal a place as you can imagine. BUT (of course there was a but  because this is The Budding  Optimist) there were independent artists set up in a small lot near the lake. I was thrilled at the opportunity to buy a Christmas ornament to commemorate my adventure. That's when the OCD kicked in and -- I kid you not -- I spent MOST of my trip to Lake Bled maniacally changing my mind on which Christmas ornament I should get. I think the lady selling them finally got to the point where she thought I was truly insane. I eventually bought 3 and thought my monkey-mind would let up, but it was not mea