Namaste - Godhead, Part I

C.S. Lewis once said something to the effect of, “I don’t write to express what I think; I write to find out what I think.” 

That sentiment has always resonated with me. I, too, try to work things out in my head by writing them down, moving them around, saying them differently, and just praying that at some point, I have a lightbulb moment where I can be like, “Oh! THAT must be what's going on inside me!” Sometimes it works, and sometimes even weeks after pressing “Publish,” I’m still trying to work things out in my head. 

I say all that to warn you that this is that type of post. 

Several days ago, I posted this to whatever it is we’re calling the Instagram/Facebook conglomerate these days:

I didn’t come up with the original, but it really resonated with me, so I shared it to my stories.

A woman I’ve met only a handful of times in my life (from church, of course) & haven’t spoken to in years, instigated the following exchange, via direct message:

I am not good at conflict. For me, these messages from a woman I know very peripherally were jarring. We could get into all kinds of reasons for why, exactly, ALL values-driven disagreements feel extremely threatening to me, but that would only be interesting to a therapist, so let's just leave it as an unexamined statement: values-driven arguments literally cause me to feel like I'm being choked. I will self-eject, or in this case, block the person from further interaction, in the middle of their typing.

I know, I'm embarrassed by my own inability to engage in thoughtful discourse, as well. It's not something I'm proud of. But I felt personally attacked, I guess? I go back and look at that original post and try to see it from a different perspective: is it insulting? Is it an attack on the Constitution? Is it satire meant to point the finger at the socio-political mire in which we find ourselves? All of the above?

Here's the thing: My life was MUCH easier before Diversity, Equity, & Inclusion initiatives were implemented everywhere. You know why? Because I could CHOOSE to be inclusive if it was convenient for me.

People in my profession make 1,000-3,000 decisions per day. Then there are the 125 thirteen-year-olds I’m responsible for keeping alive. And then there are all the essays to grade, then RE-grade when they all failed because they weren’t paying attention to a g**damn thing I said & begged me for another chance.

In all of that, do I WANT to also blow up all PDFs to 500% so that legally blind students can see them? Do I WANT to translate everything I teach into both Vietnamese and Spanish so newly arrived students can read it? Do I WANT to make sure that closed captioning or written transcripts are available on all lessons so that hearing-impaired students can access them, too?

FKKK, NO. Are you kidding me!? That’s inconvenient AF!!!!!

But it’s also part of being a good teacher. And – well, now that you mention it! – it's the law, under the Americans with Disabilities Act. (Tbh the translation one falls under something else; let’s not get caught in the weeds)

Here's the rest of the woman's message to me:

I cut the conversation short there because my brain was about the short-wire and I felt the choking sensation.

Now that I have had some time to think, I want to say this to anyone who has the ears to hear:

Diversity Equity & Inclusion initiatives ARE inconvenient! It's so much easier to JUST be inclusive when it benefits me or when I feel rested or patient or magnanimous enough. BUT IT'S NOT ABOUT ME.

It.

Is.

Fucking.

Not.

About.

Us.

DEI is not about, and never has been about, the people with the "power" -- and here, I mean "power" in the sense that we are able-bodied, cis-gender, people of average intelligence who can function in society without too much trouble, dissembling, or begging others to give us a chance.

If you are a poor, white, JD-Vance "but my folks were hillbillies, and look how I pulled myself up!" type -- good for you!! That is awesome, and I really, truly mean that. No one -- NO ONE -- is saying that your life was not hard. (Louder for the hillbillies in the back-- NO ONE IS SAYING THAT YOUR LIFE WAS NOT HARD!).

What DEI is saying is that your race, gender, able-bodiedness, etc is not also compounding the hardship.

What I have found to be true is that many conservatives are extremely uncomfortable acknowledging that just because the Constitution guarantees certain freedoms to all people, doesn't mean that's actually how our internal biases operate.

We make racist and ableist decisions all the time without realizing it. The laws and initiatives exist (or existed, at this point) for THAT reason. If you'd like more information about that, please reference The New Jim Crow, White Fragility, Savage Inequalities, and the Implicit Association Test study published at Harvard. You can also read about racial inequalities in our healthcare system in these places: Feagin, 2013; Gee & Ford, 2011; Harrell, 2000; Jones, 2000; Phelan & Link, 2015; Williams et al., 2019 and the unequal distribution of opportunities in our country here: Jones, 2000; Williams et al., 2019.

If you understand things better when they are framed as a narrative, there's no shame in that either. Try reading American Dirt or This Is How It Always Is.

If none of this changes your mind or gives you a different perspective, I'm not sure what to say, other than, "Major props to you for at least being willing to investigate another perspective."

Reading changed my life. I think that's what I'd say to that woman, if I were talking to her now. I think what I would say is this: "I used to be exactly like you, and every time I'm confronted with it now, I'm so ashamed that I literally can't even hold the conversation because it's like looking in a mirror."

There is more I want to say about the messages & post, but that's all I have in me right now.

In yoga, we end each class by saying namaste - the divinity inside of me sees and acknowledges the divinity inside of you. The imago Dei in me sees and recognizes the imago Dei residing in you. It is a continual reminder that inclusivity means EVERYONE has the spark of the divine, whether a law says we have to acknowledge it or not.