Hanumanasana - Monkey Pose

I am pleased to report that now I can make it through an entire hot yoga class without lying down on my mat in consternation even once! Progress, indeed. I thank my newfound bad-assery for this.

This came from travel, and as I traveled this summer, the largest group of other travelers I came across were Germans. Germans love holidays, which must mean they are especial badasses.

"How long are you traveling for?" one of my German roommates in the Zagreb hostel asked.

"About 2 1/2 weeks," I said.

"Why? You're a teacher. Why wouldn't you just spend the whole summer traveling?"

It seemed self-evident to all of them that if one is given 10 weeks of unpaid holiday, one should find a way to travel for the entirety of the 10 weeks. Perhaps Germans get paid better than American school teachers?

In the absence of unlimited funds, I decided to take a different tack: I would simply move to Europe, thereby making it easier to travel around Europe! I began applying for jobs.

I applied for positions at the American International School of Zagreb (in Croatia) and the Guernsey Grammar School on an island between England and France. (If you have not yet watched it, please drop everything and watch The Guernsey Literary and Potato-Peel Pie Society on Netflix. Alternatively, you can also read the book). It was the first time in my life that I said, "If I get this, I'm going for it. I'll figure out the details later, but I'm going for it."

I think I could have done either job admirably, which is saying a lot since I generally lack self-confidence.

Sadly, I didn't get even an interview for either job. How could I possibly have become less qualified than I was 7 years ago when I first started interviewing abroad?

What I did get, was an unexpected call from a college near me. The dean had gotten hold of my resume, unbeknownst to me, and was intent on interviewing me.

"Hi there," I told his voicemail. "I think you must be mistaken. All of my degrees and post-graduate work are coded for Education, not English. I was told that's not enough to teach undergraduate English, but if you still want to interview me, give me a call back."

I received 3 phone calls from the very persistent office, so I went in, mystified.

"I don't know who told you you're not qualified to teach undergraduate English," began the Dean. "This resume is insane. This is actually a powerhouse. I can't believe what I'm looking at here. I'm actually shocked that you... well, never mind that. I shared your resume with several colleagues and they all agreed that with your background, you are beyond qualified to teach here. Now. How many classes are you thinking you'd like to take on?"

I stared at the man. He'd earned his PhD from HOWARD UNIVERSITY -- the preeminent HBCU in the country! And here he was calling me Professor T---- and offering me a job teaching his students.

This made me think. How many years had I spent being told that I couldn't teach high school because I didn't have high school experience, by principals who had never seen me teach? And to what extent had I believed them, or at least believed that they must know something that I didn't?

I told Stella and Cara I didn't know if I could teach college students English. 

"You are more qualified than any English teacher I know to teach college-level English," said Stella. She teaches in Clayton, so this cannot possibly be true, and I took her words with a boulder of salt.

But then I stopped.

Why is it so much easier to listen to the people who say we CAN'T do something than it is to those who say that of course we can? Is it just me, or are we all pre-programmed to believe that so much of life is out of reach? And how many other things in Life do I -- do we ALL -- never attempt because of an assumption that we're completely unqualified to take it on?

I've been pissed as hell about this coming academic year. The 22-year-old first-year teacher I put up with all last year moved all her shit into my old classroom -- since she was hired a month or so before me, she got to keep her job, despite still wearing braces with rubberbands, having 0 classroom control, and complaining non-stop about everything. And now she gets my beloved classroom, as well. It feels wildly unfair.

And maybe it is unfair. But so what?

Maybe the badass-iest thing you can do is believe in yourself, put yourself out there, and commit to existing in the moment, no matter how much it sucks.

"EMBRACE THE SUCKINESS!!!!" we said during hanumanasana (or "the splits") during my yoga class on Sunday morning. 

So I guess that's what I'll do.