The Budding Optimist

Once upon a time there lived a woman for whom irony was more than just a literary term. It was a way of life. This woman turned down a teaching job making $80,000 a year because the offer was for 7th grade and she very much wanted to teach high school. So she took a job teaching high school for far less, then fell victim to budget cuts. She then had to beg every principal she could find to give her a job teaching anything.  When she finally found a job, it was for — you guessed it — 7th grade. Only for far, far less money.  That, my friends, is irony. Once upon a time, this woman was ghosted by not one, not two, but three men in a row. The world of online matching had made it impossible to find anyone who would actually show up for a date, let alone follow through when they said they'd love to see you again. But eventually, one dude did show up! He was there when and where he said he would be, and they drank some beers and discussed Life. It turned out that they had much in c...

I have written up Rowan a million times this year. I sent a note on his last office referral saying, "These referrals are not working. Do you want me to keep writing him up? Or should we try something else?" The grade-level principal asked if -- for his most recent display of ridiculousness -- I wanted to give him 3 days of in-school-suspension or try a restorative conversation. I voted for the latter and came to her office a few minutes before our scheduled meeting with him. "End goals," she said. "Ideally, what do you want to happen from this?" "I don't even know anymore," I said. "I just feel like I've completely failed him." "How so?" "Because he cared so much about wanting to be a good student at the beginning of the year. And now look at him! I feel like maybe I didn't encourage him enough, or... something." "Love the self-reflection, but I don't think you can take ownership of all this beh...

The word reverdie  refers to a type of poetry common in the Middle Ages. The word literally means "re-greening." This literature was a celebration of the return of spring. It was important because 500 years ago, the life-expectancy was a good 4 decades lower than it is now. There was a greater chance that you wouldn't survive the harsh and unforgiving winter than that you would. So, those who were still alive when the narcissus and crocus started blooming had enormous cause to celebrate. They had survived another bout of the Dark, and Life was coming back into the world! Reverdie. It very much feels as if I am in the midst of a dark and painful winter. Albert Camus wrote, "It was there in the depths of winter that I discovered there was, within me, an invincible summer." I have discovered no such thing. But what better way to confront Life's challenges than by giving onself even more  challenges? It's been years since I moved to New York for the summer ...

I've lived in my house for almost 7 years. It's 900 square feet. Up until 2 weeks ago, I always had at least one empty drawer. My friend Sarah found it when she came over for tea one night. She was looking for teaspoons and stared down, non-plussed. "You have an empty drawer." "What now?" I said. "Right here. Left of the oven. There's nothing in this drawer." "Sweet!!!" Even though I'd mostly forgotten that drawer was empty, it still freaked me out a couple of weeks ago when I bought a toaster and had to move all the spatulas into the empty drawer to make room.  Now I have no empty drawers. The psychological weight of living in a house with no empty drawers is perceptible. It's so heavy, in fact, that I wondered if I should return the toaster, thereby moving the spatulas back to their rightful place in a canister on the counter and returning my formerly-empty-drawer to its original glory. After all, I'd survived years with...

When I used to teach The Giver, I asked students to create their own utopias. What would it look like? How would order be maintained? What would you eradicate that is present in our current world, and what would you add? How would you do it? It was an interesting exercise. It kind of made me wonder what a utopia would look like for me. I think it would be a world without decisions. I fkking hate decisions. I guess that's pretty ironic, given that the lack of choices in The Giver is what makes it a dystopia and what the protagonist works to overcome. It's weird how one man's dystopia is another man's utopia. I guess it's like John Milton said: "The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven." Today, I had a 2nd interview for a position teaching high school English in my SEVENTH district. Instead of preparing, I did the following things: * scrolled through friends' Goodreads updates * shopped for eye shadow, then dec...

I think if I still lived in South Carolina, I would be described as tender-hearted. And it would not be a compliment. It would be like when you say, "Bless her heart," while watching someone from New Hampshire try to figure out grits. Tender-hearted is too easily given to feelings. I think my feelings are bigger than the rest of me put together. If I could get rid of some of my feelings, I think the first one I would get rid of wouldn't be anger or sadness or jealousy. It would be hope. I hate hope. Hope is the thing that kills you. I know that's an expression commonly used in soccer-football but since it's the Superbowl here in America, it feels appropriate. I had a date tonight. My friend Abbie gave me this beautiful necklace a few days ago that she said helps manifest love. For the first time in a long time, I actually felt hopeful... I mean, not that I was going to fall in love on a first date, but like -- hopeful that I could even still feel positive about a ...

I've been thinking a lot about death lately. I've been thinking about how an aspect of Judaism I've always admired is the "sitting shiva." My mom's family was Jewish but since she was raised in foster care, we didn't really get a lot of the aspects, except for as they were watered down by Christianity. But I have always loved how Jews sit together for a period of mourning and remembering after someone passes. I think it's telling that shiva  is a death-mourning for Jewish people and Shiva  is the god of Death in Hinduism and savasana  is the "corpse pose" in yoga. Death transcends culture. In the last several weeks, we've had a student bring a gun to school (he got suspended but will be back in August); two mass shooting threats written in bathroom stalls; and a student carry another loaded gun into a gym full of 1,500 people. The administration team keeps either a) telling us nothing, b) telling us "there was a threat but it's m...